If you sit down with Nicole Mendez, you may question her decision to major in chemistry and math in her first college experience.

After all, years later she owns an MFA from San Diego State in filmmaking and is currently pursuing a second master’s degree in literature and writing studies from Cal State San Marcos. 

She’s earning the latter while also working full time as the administrative coordinator with the LTWR department. She’s also a wife and mom to three children. 

Creating art has always been inside Mendez, and her work reflects that. She will show her documentary “Bad Child” on March 4 in Arts 111 as part of CSUSM’s Arts & Lectures series.  

The 13-minute film will be shown at noon, followed by a brief discussion from Mendez. She’ll also lead a panel discussing the impacts of sexual assault, how trauma is expressed artistically and the many resources available to survivors. Staff from Student Health & Counseling Services and faculty and staff from the department of psychology and the School of Arts will sit on the interdisciplinary panel. 

As with most A&L events, CSUSM students, faculty, staff and alumni are free. Community members are $5. Tickets are available online. 

The topic is heavy. She wrote and produced it as a retelling of her personal sexual abuse as a child primarily at the hands of her step grandfather.  

“So the film is entirely my story,” Mendez said. “It goes through every kind of what I see as different stages of the outcomes. I was sexually abused as a child multiple times, so this is something that impacted me throughout my entire lifespan. The film goes through different developmental stages and how it affected me throughout that time.” 

The film also has interviews with psychologists who speak to the technical side of recovering and healing. Mendez included facts from her own research as well as statistics on recovery.  

Her own personal story is woven throughout the film. 

She sees the event as an opportunity to discuss a subject that still doesn’t get enough attention on college campuses, although she is quick to praise the work done by SHCS. 

“There’s a lack of people who talk to their children about sexual assault,” said Mendez, 42. “It's not discussed enough as kids are growing up. It's ignored. So I think a lot of young people get to college and they don't think about these risks, and they don't think that these things do happen. And then when they happen to someone they know, or they're aware that these things are occurring, they don't know what to do. They don't know how to help. They don't know how to positively contribute to such an important issue. And so those are all things I want to touch on.” 

Filled with expert interviews and personal narratives, the film touches on her experiences while also placing a hard emphasis on the importance of parental and caregiver support in the aftermath.  

Healing is an individual journey, one that could be made much longer and more difficult without the presence of support.  

That’s particularly important when the abuse happens to a child, according to Mendez. 

“How that event impacts you is greatly determined by the support you receive or don't receive when you disclose that event, it is so critical for someone who has had horrible things happen to them,” Mendez said. “After disclosure is supported appropriately, they (a victim/survivor) will likely have less severe outcomes compared to someone who might have had something happen and they tell someone, and the person doesn't believe them, or they tell them they're a liar. There's such a big impact.” 

The switch in pursuits to visual arts as an undergraduate student at a small liberal arts college in Portland wasn’t as much of a stretch as it seems because it aligned with Mendez’s interests. And when she took a film class in the SDSU MFA program in 2018, it sparked a passion for filmmaking, leading to a transition from fine art to film. 

While some people choose activities when they have free time, Mendez simply doesn’t have much. Instead, she makes time for her creative outlets partly by involving her family. 

Her first film — a short narrative about a girl and her grandma — was inspired by her childhood experiences – memories of making tamales with family and listening to music, which often sparked creative ideas. In the film, the girl goes into one of her grandma's rooms and starts using her sewing materials and tries to make herself a dress. At the end, the grandma comes in and offers to help her as a form of connection through action. 

Mendez finds inspiration from both real-life experiences and music, particularly non-lyrical film scores. Her art is personal, often reflecting childhood experiences and family dynamics as someone who grew up in Chula Vista but also lived in Florida, Connecticut and other parts of San Diego and L.A. 

In addition to making documentary films, she’s an accomplished painter. She painted her daughter for a decade in a series that explored themes of childhood innocence and the contrast between child and adult expressions. 

“That was obviously a very personal series,” Mendez said of her now 16-year-old daughter. “I was, in a sense, reexamining my own childhood through these pictures of her. And then when I went off and started making films, I did some animations, and all of those had to do with my childhood. And then the film about the dress. There were elements of my childhood that were put into that.” 

Her love for color and patterns is evident in all her work, from painting to filmmaking to her personal style. 

Mendez of course finds it challenging to balance full-time work, family responsibilities and creative pursuits. She has slowed down on creative work to focus more on family time, especially as her three children — one in high school and two in elementary school — have more activities. 

Mendez’s goal is to educate and inspire collective improvement in supporting victims and addressing sexual assault. Healing is a process, and it’s one that is different for every survivor. 

She reported her abuser during the making of the documentary, which took a long time to be processed. He was arrested the same week the film was completed in spring 2022, adding another level of emotional impact to the project.  

Just last month — three decades after the abuse began — he was sentenced to six years in prison. At age 87, he will most likely spend the rest of his life behind bars. 

The reporting process was challenging with delays and emotional tolls, but Mendez felt it was important to go through it at the pace it required. The documentary serves as a testament to her persistence. The long journey of reporting and seeking justice is over, but the healing continues. 

“I won't say there's a real resolution because I do feel like when someone experiences sexual assault of any sort, no matter how minor it is, it affects you forever,” Mendez said. “It'll affect you less if you handle it, you face it, you deal with it, you process it and process it and process it. I do believe it gets better, and some of that is shown in the film. It's not all just dark and negative. It’s more factual and just this is how it was and is. 

 “I want people to take something away from it as far as how can we be better? Just collectively, parents, teachers, mentors, people who are in those positions to receive that information, those disclosures. How can we as a community, as society, be more supportive and be better?” 

Mendez the chemist and/or mathematician never surfaced, and probably for good reason as her art has and will inspire others.  

But perhaps there’s something to order, problem solving and truth that chemistry and math provide that also speaks to who she is.  

Whatever she chooses to do with her career, it’s clear Mendez is one thing above all — resilient.  

“I want to focus on how to help people who have experienced that because when someone discloses sexual assault, the reactions that they receive to that disclosure impact the outcomes of that assault, sometimes more than the assault itself,” Mendez said. “It has such a profound impact on how someone heals or is able to cope that it is really critical that people have an idea of the language to use and how to address those situations.  

“And the reality is this does happen, or people have experienced it in their past. But it still affects them, of course.  To know how to interact with someone about those topics who has had those experiences, that’s really important.” 

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